Her Escape
All these years the littlest heart wanted to be loved. She was cursed for being born, was called a bad omen, was blamed, and was held accountable for the things that were not even in her hands.
Everyone expected her to be a "certain" individual, do and behave certainly and act according to them, and satisfy their whims and fancies. Where all she wanted was to be herself all she was doing was living up to expectations that were not even hers but someone else's. She now feels like she's brought into this world to satisfy the ego of those she holds dearly. She holds them dearly they might hold her dearly too but their dear is living the life of a deer who's in constant thoughts of getting preyed on at the hands loved ones. They were happy to see that "certainty" in her that they had demanded.
Those who should treat her unconditionally put their conditions on her love. She wanted to be herself but she wasn't. If she tries to love herself they have a problem with that always. Why can't she be herself? Why she's being punished for loving herself? She deserves the love she showers in this world. If you're not loving her at least don't stop her from loving herself.
She's lost, she's tired, and she's exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every single day she caught herself faking her smile and pretending her non-existent life and went on living it as if nothing happened.
Her only escape is those lovely idiots whom she found randomly. They were her friends, who expected nothing but her being her true self. They're her safe place in front of whom she can be herself, they cherish her strong and vulnerable, good and bad, best and worst versions. They never complain about her being in a certain way the ONLY complaint they have is she doesn't choose herself. But how could she? She wasn't given an opportunity for CHOICES.
Again she's being asked to be certain asking her to shut her escape, not be with them. How could she lose on something that holds her dearly, spreading wide open arms? But she has to be certain to keep those happy who don't understand her being happy. Is she all right losing them? Certainly, not but she has to.
Everyone expected her to be a "certain" individual, do and behave certainly and act according to them, and satisfy their whims and fancies. Where all she wanted was to be herself all she was doing was living up to expectations that were not even hers but someone else's. She now feels like she's brought into this world to satisfy the ego of those she holds dearly. She holds them dearly they might hold her dearly too but their dear is living the life of a deer who's in constant thoughts of getting preyed on at the hands loved ones. They were happy to see that "certainty" in her that they had demanded.
Those who should treat her unconditionally put their conditions on her love. She wanted to be herself but she wasn't. If she tries to love herself they have a problem with that always. Why can't she be herself? Why she's being punished for loving herself? She deserves the love she showers in this world. If you're not loving her at least don't stop her from loving herself.
She's lost, she's tired, and she's exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every single day she caught herself faking her smile and pretending her non-existent life and went on living it as if nothing happened.
Her only escape is those lovely idiots whom she found randomly. They were her friends, who expected nothing but her being her true self. They're her safe place in front of whom she can be herself, they cherish her strong and vulnerable, good and bad, best and worst versions. They never complain about her being in a certain way the ONLY complaint they have is she doesn't choose herself. But how could she? She wasn't given an opportunity for CHOICES.
Again she's being asked to be certain asking her to shut her escape, not be with them. How could she lose on something that holds her dearly, spreading wide open arms? But she has to be certain to keep those happy who don't understand her being happy. Is she all right losing them? Certainly, not but she has to.
16.1.2023
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