Insight

Note: things narrated here are fictional 

Akaay returned to Jaipur. He was supposed to move in with Kriya in two weeks for his new job was in Bangalore. Akaay wasn't feeling well, he was stuck between Kaaya and Kriya again. His heart and brain are fighting with each other. Akaay and his two friends, Jeet and Raj, were discussing it at night walk.

Jeet, "What have you decided, Akku? If you're not clear how you expect the girls to make decisions. We'll surely let you reflect on who you should choose, but what about you... You cannot have both of them. 

Akaay, "I cannot choose between one. Why is it so wrong to have feelings for both of them and need to want both of them? I never fell out of love with Kriya and I loved Kaaya.
Raj smirked and said, "Did you love Kaaya having Kriya at the back of your mind, or picturing her you, let alone allowing yourself to see Kriya in her."

Akaay firmly said, "No, Kaaya saw me in the crowd when I was lost in it. I thought I was over Kaaya, but when I saw her at Kriya's birthday, I had this longing feeling to spend the rest of my life with her. There's some magnet pull I feel towards her. It always felt like we've been there for each other all this time, never apart. We are always apart yet so close to each other's souls. Whenever Kaaya feels anything it makes me feel it too. It's like a twin flame."

"Blew that flame. What are you saying? The Akaay we knew he wouldn't say such silly things. What did she do to you Akaay? She's an ordinary girl. I've met her, and I really thought she and you could go along, but that was past Akku. After what she did to you in the past, being all confused, being selfish, contact according to her convenience, everything was not acceptable. She's a good person at heart but not right for you as a partner. You'll hurt each other. She broke you even more than what Kriya did somewhere."

"Make fun of things, but she found something which I never discovered. This is who I am, a better person with her. Better at everything even when she wasn't there. She brings me all the luck in this universe. She is pure. But I'm afraid I'll hurt her. She did break and make me."
"You say she brings the best out of you, and on the other hand, you're afraid of hurting her. Are you even listening to yourself?"

Raj shockingly hints to the guys at one couple, "Guys, am I dreaming of seeing Sanika, or she's really there." Jeet replied, "Unfortunately, you're not. She's there. Akaay, Sanika will let you come out of this mess and confusion. She always gave you clarity with everything, let's call her. " Before Akaay could reply, Jeet called her. Akaay replied, "Are you mad or what? She doesn't want to see me. She made it clear 4 years back, didn't she? And you want my first ex to help me with clarity about my two other exes. Oh god, she saw us. What do we do now." Sanika and her husband saw them. Sanika recognised Akaay and she started walking ahead. Her husband was clueless, "Hey, the guys called you." "There are 100 and 1000s of Sanika in Jaipur. I'm sure that's not me. Keep walking." "I'm pretty sure they called you. Didn't you notice the way these two guys were waving their hands at you? Wait, the third guy, that was your ex, Akaay, right?" Sanika stopped walking, "Do not bae. Don't start. Yes, that's him and his friends, and I don't want to turn to a road that will take me nowhere." As she took a step, her husband stopped her by holding her hand, "What's wrong? There's nothing wrong with stopping and saying hi. Are you afraid of what I'll think? I'm pretty much chill Sanika." "No. I pretty much know what you'll think. I know you, bae. It's just that Akaay hurt me with Kriya when all I had for him was love. He chose a girl he met for a few months over 3-4 years of our relationship. I accept I was childish, possessive, and controlling, but I truly loved him. Always stood strong for getting thrown when I was having a hard time." "You did forgive him, right? You said you did, you could consider saving a hi. He's your first love honey. I know you'll cry. You named our child by his name. Consider saying a hi." Sanika changed her mind. Her husband told her he'd wait for her. She went ahead, "Move you freaks. What mess are you in this time Kaay?" She pretty much kicked Jeet and Raj to get lost. Raj teasingly, "This is not how you greet your old friends." "Oh please, I cannot stand you guys. What mess is your friend in that you want me to help him with. Still can't take care of yourself? Decide for yourself,, Kaay?" Raj and Jeet walked away and sat at a distance. Sanika took the seat. Akaay, "How are you?" "Cut to the chase, what's up with you? Do not talk about me or us. I'm doing you one last favour this time." "Favour Ha." Both chuckled.

"I'll get to the point directly then. It's a lot. So you remember Kriya right." "Oh yes, the darling party for our final breakup. How can I never ever forget her? A girl who has this urge to hurt and destroy someone and kept an attitude of not knowing it would tear them apart. What's with her now. You and her." Aksay sighed, "So after we broke up I dated her for a year long or so. Let's not get into details but she did something miserable and left me. This shook my life, and it turned me upside down. I was getting out of the mess. I remember I was still moving on and had posted my thoughts on my social media. Later, I came across a video about old-school love, and thereon, I commented. A lot of people, most of them were girls, who replied to me, and that's how I connected to many of them. There's one girl, Kaaya, who had also replied to the same reel, and she happened to reply to me too. Her words were kind. Those three lines of her comment drew me to her; her words were magic', and she unknowingly consoled me, making me believe in love all over again. She was from a different state, a different city. I couldn't get her out of my head, and I ended up texting her. Now, when we spoke later, she revealed to me she was drawn to me because of the similarity of our names, and she was drawn to my smile and eyes, too. So we talked further, and in 2-3 days, we bonded like we knew each other for a longer period. And this was from both ends I can assure you that. She brought the version which I wasn't aware of. It felt like a soulmate connection. And we bonded instantly. Now you know my obsession and I kinda stressed her out with it. She still was keeping up with me calmly." Sanika interrupted, "Just because she was stupid, pure indeed. She was liking you, and that's why she was keeping with you; otherwise, she would have slammed you out of her life, which I think she should have done."

Akaay, with disappointment, "Sanika, please." Sanika replied fine, and go ahead. Akaay continued, "She and Kriya had so many things in common. Can you imagine even their allergies match? Anyway, she was a different better person. Further, I was insecure considering Kriya's experience and I wanted Kaaya to be as close as to me. It was my obsession to keep her close to me and not let her go away. She understood it. She is an overthinker, she's very easy to manipulate, to be honest, and she gets swayed by people easily. Like this is very bad, I know, but it's just that she's pure, and she thinks the world around her is pure as well, and she ends up trusting easily. After a month or so she broke up with me. After a week, she called me and said she didn't want to have any regrets and asked me if I could meet her; she also cleared that this meeting was no assurance of any commitment. I travelled all the way to her city to meet her. We met. After 2 weeks or so, she said she wanted to meet, but she knew it would be difficult because she could not travel that far, and I again could not make the trip. So we postponed the plan for 1 month ahead. But surprisingly, I got a call from an institution scheduling my interview for next week. It was unexpected that I had completely forgotten the results as it was 6 months old thing. I let her know that it's scheduled in her state but to a different city, and she said I'll come there. So things magically fell for both of us. We met again. She said she wanted to take things slow. She gave reasons why people take time to know the person and then come into a relationship, and our case was the opposite. She said she wanted to take the time to know me better. I stressed her out again. After 4 days she panicked and broke up with me and blocked me." Akaay took a breath, Sanika, "This is it? God. You're impatient Akaay. Everyone has their baggage with them. You had yours. I'm saying this honestly, and I know it'll hurt you, but you were in rebound with her. Initially, you did get drawn to her, but later, when you conversed, she gave you the unfamiliar comfort of Kriya. Now what." Akaay continued, "It's not over. It's just one part. After 3 months I messaged her we talked for a week or so. She gave me a third chance to say, and I gave her a second chance. I moved to another state for my career commitment. I told her things would change for us and she made peace with it. Later she got insecure. She was anxiously attached to me. I couldn't keep up with her. She didn't expect anything fancy but a 5 minutes involving conversation, which wasn't possible. I had a hard time keeping up with things here, and I yelled at her on two occasions. I forgot her birthday. She was hurt. She was excited because it was her first time having a partner on her birthday, and I kind of ruined it. She still was kind. Two days later, she called me angrily; her tone was not high, she wasn't shouting or fighting but keeping her points, and I shut her down, saying if she wanted to go, she could go. I had no energy left, I gotta walk with my colleagues as I was left behind." Sanika pinched him and yelled, "You jerk." 

"You can say. She texted me breaking up and I was convincing her. She was gone this time Sanika. So to say she was gone the first time we met but she still continued keeping faith in me, I don't know why she believed in me this much. What made her believe in me. I never saw her this hurt and angry. I thought this time I lost her. Later, she texted me twice, reminding Jeet's birthday, and I called her, and she was unwilling to talk. I thought, fine, she moved on. I got comfort and great care from one of my colleagues. My colleague sorted me out. On my birthday Kaaya was the first one to wish me. And I replied to her last. I did it. By this time, I was kind of over her, I could say. 4 days later she called me. We talked but she got hurt again. After another 15 days, she called, and we talked; I couldn't resist, and I got obsessed with her again. She pushed me though. She said she hated me and blocked me. This broke my heart to another level; I felt anger and humiliation, and I decided to throw her, her thoughts and everything. All I did was be kind to her, and she selfishly behaved. I told her not to contact me again, and she never did, except when I lost my dear one, but I did not reply, knowing it would start again hopelessly. I lost her which I thought was great for both. We both cut off contact. Then Kriya made a comeback. I was drawn to her. We started dating long distance, but I didn't give any commitment this time. 2 months back, I surprised her on her birthday. But in return, I was surprised when I got to know she and Kaaya were roommates. When I saw Kaaya I was lost. I have Kriya, the girl I Loved the most in three of you ladies. But then Kaaya. I cannot explain. Now I want her too. Is it wrong to have them both?" "God, it creeps me out. You're alone, lonely Akaay. There has always been another woman; you desire multiple women, okay. Thank god I'm married or today you would have said the same thing about me. I want you. Jeez." "Shut up Sanika. Help me here."

Sanika took his hand in her hand. "Choose someone who loves you and not the one you love. It's a secret of a Happy relationship. Now close your eyes. Do it. Tell me who do you see first." "Kaaya" "I'll ask you questions picture yourself with both of them and tell me with whom you're more happy," Akaay replied to all questions with answers to Kaaya. He opened his eyes. And that's what his answer is. Kaaya. He had thoughts "But kaaya didn't want to do anything with Akaay. It was pointless. His heart beats for Kriya but the platonic connection he has is with Kaaya. If he keeps up with it even Kriya will go from his life again. Nimish is all right for Kaaya. The way they share a bond." All these thoughts were rushing in his head. 
Sanika snapped her finger, "Unfortunately you cannot have her right. I know your answer was Kaaya, but your heart beats for Kriya. 4 years back, you were in the same situation. The only difference was I asked you who you wanted to be with and you chose her over us. This time, you want to make a different choice with Kaaya, but it's not possible. You love Kriya more. Knowing this no girl would be happy. Choose Kriya. Kriya hurt you, but still, you gave her a chance because she never turned after breaking. Kaaya, I don't know her personally, but she was considerate of you. You said she was selfish calling you, but when she called you, I must say all you've talked was about you... she kept coming back because she cared for you. And you, being you, pushed her far away. I won't say you did wrong; you had your colleagues to take care of you, and it was better to cut off contact with your ex; you indeed protected her, I know that. Kaaya is your desire; need let her be your prayer, Akaay. You have always wished for Kriya and you have her. You were pride knowing many women love you, like you, you'll get anyone and, which made you not know the worth of loyal ones. You're liked and loved by everyone, but why cannot you have the one you love because you make every woman feel welcome, Akaay. It's a fact. Anyway ... We've been talking for the past 2 hours. My husband is generous, but still, I need to rush. I don't know Kaaya but I know Kriya and you. Let Kaaya be happy Akaay." 

Sanika went ahead. Akaay cried. Raj and Jeet consoled him. Raj, "This time you're late. We told you Kriya was not right for you. She put you in a mess all the time. Please Akaay. I was testing you when I said all those things about Kaaya, she is not right for you. But we all know it is only Kaaya, after Sanika she's the one who will tame you. You, me or none can hate her. She is honest, she will never fake feelings." Jeet, "She did contact you out of selfishness, but it was for you. She must have missed you on multiple occasions, but she contacted you when you were lonely. I remember whenever you told me she contacted you were suffering alot. Even if you say you had someone, she knew it. The other day after Kriya's birthday, she got worried when we made a call about you. We'll convince Kaaya. Please don't give up." Akaay couldn't process anything. He was left with his love for Kriya. He had to choose HER. He knows his heart belongs to Kriya but he belongs to Kaaya.

Sanika was his first and true love. Kriya was and is his toxic love. But Kaaya was his true and epic love. All the time, Akaay was in the idea of falling in love with Kriya, blindfolded, ignoring the love Sanika and Kaaya once offered him. 

29/12/2024